I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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