I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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