He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
