I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We named our party play list daddy issues
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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