The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
