The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
