I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
