Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
