i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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