dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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