We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
