remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
