I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize