I'm so fucking centered right now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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