when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This house was built for laser tag.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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