why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
