So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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