we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
