Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
