did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
