You made me cry and you don't even care
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
