Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
