OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
