yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
