she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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