My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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