: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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