Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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