I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
