Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
