im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
