what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
