my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize