I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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