My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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