It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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