Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
