My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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