That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
