What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
