so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
