woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
