hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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