Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
