my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
