Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
