all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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