Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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