I've blown a few things in my day
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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