We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
