Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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