I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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