the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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