why didn't you poke me back
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
