I've blown a few things in my day
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
