why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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