Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
