the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize