Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
