I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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