No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
