just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
