***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
