i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
