a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize