Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
