The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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