wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
