yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
