Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
