I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
