Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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