2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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