It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
