Small penises have feelings too.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
